I John 5:13
These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.
When I was 15, I finally understood the difference between acknowledging that God existed, and actually believing in Him. I knew Jesus was born in Bethlehem and died and rose again at Easter. With just those facts, but no relationship, and no sense of my need for a Holy God to wash my sins away, I had no hope of a eternal home in Heaven. But when my father was saved, and we went to church, and read the Bible, my eyes were opened to the idea of a personal relationship with God, and the sacrifice that Jesus made to take my sins price and allow me to spend eternity in Heaven. This verse was reassuring to me…that I could KNOW that I have eternal life. Knowing this Biblical fact for the last 45 years has been so helpful spiritually, and now, knowing my eternal destination, is so comforting. There are so many things I do not know,…..how long I will live on this earth? Will my brain cancer take my brain function or just my physical strength?
I became a planner and organizer when I married a Jackson, before that time I was a cheerleader and had the nickname “Spacey”. Now, I plan everything, but with this diagnosis, I have to let things be very flexible. But one thing has not changed, knowing God is in control of my earthly life and eternity, brings me peace and hope. Knowing my future is secure in God’s hands, gives me hope because He is so merciful and loving.
Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD
August and September were months that were full of words like, terminal, malignant, and four inoperative tumors. We needed all of God’s courage to strengthen our hearts, and we found peace in counting all the blessings He had given to us. Our hope was in heaven and we relied on His Word to help us stay strong in the time I would have left on this world, to be a witness for God. October and November came with the falling leaves and a failing of my strength. Thanksgiving through Christmas was a time of almost invalid status, never leaving the house and thinking my body was starting the shut down process, my hospice nurses had predicted would start toward the end. We trusted God and tried to keep my failing strength, a small matter, so our family and friends would enjoy Christmas and not realize I was probably making my last Christmas memories with them.
After Christmas my medications were changed and my strength was back again. It seemed my brain cancer symptoms were staying the same and my health complications were all from the drugs I had to take. Hope seemed to come with each day. My 3 to 6 month cancer timeline was halfway through and January 8 marked my fourth month. Although we know any change in my brain tumor could kill me or put me in a coma state, hope has come knocking at our door. We are trusting God for strength to endure; or hope for more time or healing.
Knowing God is in control and will give me His best, I am full of peace. Hope from God, because He has always been more gracious and merciful than I deserve. Looking forward to every day, just to see what God will do for me.