Puddles in my Path
Psalms 145:2. Every day will I bless thee; and I will praise thy name for ever and ever.
When I was little we all loved to jump into puddles. It was so exciting and scary to splash and get wet. Of corse, all the adults warned us not to get wet and muddy. But an empty puddle just keeps calling all of us who have the memory of that last messy puddle. This journey I am on now has been mostly filled with a peace that passeth all understanding. I have tried to explain how when I seem to get overwhelmed with the reality of dying and leaving my loved ones that God has always seemed to fill that void with Bible verses, sweet memories and comforting hymns. I have felt the prayers of loved ones and friends, enjoyed seeing the beauty of God’s creation all around me and marveled at how my sadness seems to melt away.
Psalms 39:4. Lord, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am.
But I do seem to have puddles in my path, those times when memories and plans to jump into the future just cannot be denied. I am splashing and dashing and planning for a future that might not exist. Because I still have hope that God can heal me …..Here or There. In those moments I am happy, scared and excited all at the same time, just like a child in a puddle. I usually am crying sweet tears (those who know me realize I cry a lot anyway) and after a while, my tears and God’s presence start to fill my heart with joy for all the blessings I have been given. Then I am out of that puddle. Some days there are a lot of puddles. Other days are just full of sunshine. Puddles are a part of life, and I have decided to jump through them and try to manage the mess and emotion that comes with each rain shower. When I look back over my Facebook posts, I have tried to show how I am surviving and thriving during this adventure of living and dying. I have not said much about the tears and fears, except to post the Bible verses and Hymns that have
comforted me. For many years I have quoted Bible verses and written devotions about God’s peace and comfort, for my own problems and for others and God has been just as faithful now as He was then. I am not a saint, or a spiritual giant, but I was blessed to have many spiritual giants mentor my Christian growth. I am accountable to them for the prayers, and example they made on my behalf. My Grandma Crawford, my Dad and Mom, and my Husband have been my spiritual hero’s. I have watched them trust God through every kind of trial and they have all proclaimed God’s faithfulness. I am just trying to follow their steps.
Psalms 104:33-34. I will sing unto the Lord as long as I live. I will sing praise to my God while I have my being. My meditation of him shall be sweet. I will be glad in the Lord.
When we first learned about my diagnosis, I asked Tim to pray with me that this brain cancer would not change me into a grumpy person. God has continued to uplift my spirit and comfort my soul. Laughter and tears flow through me and we are having so many wonderful days. God is Good all the Time!
Sometimes I jump wholeheartedly into the puddle in my path, laughing and crying at the same time. God always meets me on the other side.
Psalms 119:42. Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction.